Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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