Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
