So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
