Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
