It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
