Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
