Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
