you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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