I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drake has all the answers
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
