Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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