I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
