GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
