How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize