I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.