Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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(713): I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist... http://tfl.nu/i7x2

Replies (15) Good night (4863) Bad night (869)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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(918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz

Replies (15) Good night (695) Bad night (5151)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.

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(334): I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/qbrz

Replies (10) Good night (648) Bad night (3887)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.

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(303): I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window. http://tfl.nu/dr4o

Replies (5) Good night (3307) Bad night (939)
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(816): View more from Missouri

They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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(816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk

Replies (13) Good night (4773) Bad night (1221)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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(859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio

Replies (43) Good night (1311) Bad night (3504)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.

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(901): Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician. http://tfl.nu/nnrt

Replies (7) Good night (2034) Bad night (657)
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(661): View more from California

I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.

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(661): I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love. http://tfl.nu/wt93

Replies (8) Good night (989) Bad night (705)
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(906): View more from Michigan

When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.

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(906): When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house. http://tfl.nu/xuce

Replies (8) Good night (559) Bad night (831)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!

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(308): Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable! http://tfl.nu/qvqx

Replies (6) Good night (886) Bad night (338)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.

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(270): Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man. http://tfl.nu/achk

Replies (9) Good night (2222) Bad night (415)
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(417): View more from Missouri

So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?

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(417): So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty? http://tfl.nu/l95a

Replies (3) Good night (750) Bad night (296)
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(305): View more from Florida

Also the fuck cup must be buried with me

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(305): Also the fuck cup must be buried with me http://tfl.nu/f60l

Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (283)
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(804): View more from Virginia

The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.

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(804): The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me. http://tfl.nu/s0vs

Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (268)
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(408): View more from California

I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.

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(408): I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced. http://tfl.nu/i2rx

Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (319)

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