Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

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  (206): It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts. http://tfl.nu/etp3
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (961)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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  (253): Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs. http://tfl.nu/k3j3
  Replies (13) Good night (1275) Bad night (3445)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work

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  (719): I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work http://tfl.nu/axgl
  Replies (14) Good night (3595) Bad night (833)
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  (209): View more from California

  I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.

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  (209): I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own. http://tfl.nu/zoa7
  Replies (72) Good night (809) Bad night (3276)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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  (443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068
  Replies (25) Good night (1444) Bad night (6724)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (6136) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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  (717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef
  Replies (13) Good night (4292) Bad night (1387)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant

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  (724): Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant http://tfl.nu/8r36
  Replies (3) Good night (3525) Bad night (743)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

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  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (6126) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I regret nothing

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  (702): Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal. (1-702): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/jdko
  Replies (12) Good night (2499) Bad night (562)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

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  (914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso
  Replies (8) Good night (1083) Bad night (430)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!

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  (916): Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker! http://tfl.nu/ia91
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.

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  (612): I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo. http://tfl.nu/h4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (592) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"

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  (201): Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class" http://tfl.nu/e4eb
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.

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  (586): You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas. http://tfl.nu/7o12
  Replies (7) Good night (1093) Bad night (328)

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