i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit