i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????