you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.