Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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