Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
