I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize