i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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