He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
