I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
