i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
