I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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