drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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