Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
