i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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