mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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