The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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