Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
