Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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