Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
