at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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