her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
