Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
