Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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