Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
