We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
