Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
