Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
