Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
