Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
