it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
