so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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