Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Randomize