So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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