ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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