She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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