I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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