we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
