I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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