I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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