we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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