Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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