Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
