apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
