you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
