and you said cock pushups were impossible
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
