my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
