If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
